I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
