HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
