How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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