He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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