i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
