i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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