did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
