If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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