can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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