Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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