Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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