I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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