Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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