I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Ladies don't puke and tell
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
