Pants 0. Shit 1.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
