it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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