My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
