So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
