He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
