rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
