oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
