Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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