I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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