You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
this boner is exhausting
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
