What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
