a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
