I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
