We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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