Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
