omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
