tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
