nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
