woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
