how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
