ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
