Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
