U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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