meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
