If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
