Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
