just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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