I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
