Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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