I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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