Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Buhtt sex?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
