whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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