HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
