I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
