I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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