I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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